I’ve been avoiding this. The thought of reflecting has been a little too much for the past few weeks. A lot has transpired, however. Ron and I broke up at the end of May. He broke me. Easily. I cried and drank, acted out, acted stupid. Fuck a few people over. Led a few people on. Drank some more.
At the end of all that, despite my intentions, all I had to show for it was a rip in my favorite jeans and a badly scarred heart.
All I wanted was to forget. All I wanted was to put him as far outside of myself as I could. All I ended up with was a piece of him growing inside of me that he didn't want.
Even now, having committed to reflection, I’m fighting it. I feel the tears forming at the backs of my eyes and breathe, blink and try not to go to deep.
I can’t do this right now. I was wrong, I’m not ready to look at myself yet.
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